Faith's Journey

Faith has been a consistent part of my story, sometimes so intertwined I don’t highlight it. A conversation with my mom about my book illuminated this to me. This surprised me despite the fact I wrote it. I knew that faith was important — I made it a point to mention God throughout the story. 

The book initially was written for other helping professionals and primarily written about my clinical experiences and my mental health. But my story cannot be separated from faith.

Father Mike Schmitz in a recent homily spoke about how God is not only worshipped when He performs miracles for others, but that God could also be worshipped when miracles don’t occur. Many of us deal with mental health issues, physical ailments, and difficult relationships. Sometimes there seems no easy solution.

I view my own journey with chronic headaches, which I still have more frequently than I’d like. I went to many doctors and specialists to find a solution. Periods have gone by where headaches were minimal or gone, sometimes due to physical therapy, brainspotting, massage therapy, water intake, and nutrition. Other times they’ve returned with no apparent explanation. 

With my OCD, I’ve gone through seasons of healing and recovery, as well as difficult times. Some of these times my mind was distracted, other times my actions seemed to be taken over by “the monster.” Tremendous progress has been made while I’ve also triumphed over the worst of it.

The times of healing and recovery are a testament to God’s work in my life. He has given me peace of mind in times of despair. He’s brought me to places where He could speak to me personally. He has introduced amazing people into my life and brought others back who have had a profound influence on me. In this way, God has made use of the suffering I have experienced to show His glory.

God’s glory has also undeniably shined on the bad days. Those days I remember when I was convinced the world was ending. There were hours I was panicked or scared that my brain would make my world dark. Some mornings I wanted to stay in bed, for fear of what might happen, or rather, what my mind might conjure up to make me believe. The fact I got up and survived those days is testament of God’s love too. I consider the night my cat appeared surprised as she gazed at the wall in disbelief while I was convinced God’s angels were moving into formation for my protection. He flowed through me and around me especially on those days.

I trust and love God, but I wish we didn’t have to suffer. Granted, the times when I start struggling are usually the times I’ve ventured too far from God, a reminder that He offers safety,  guidance, and sustenance when I acknowledge His presence.

I pray for healing from headaches and OCD. I hope others heal from their ailments and difficulties too. In that healing we typically grow, finding support from others and realizing our own shortcomings along the way that we may have ignored or weren’t privy to understanding. In the midst of healing, we start to realize the important aspects of life.

Headaches have shown me how wonderful it is to have a day without them, and that pushing through with them can still make for a special day. Recently, I’ve been encouraged by God and one friend in particular to take more seriously the priorities of nutrition and exercise. I’m hopeful and optimistic about this path.

With OCD, I realize the importance of simply getting through the day as an accomplishment. A day of calm is certainly a blessing, and it’s empowering to approach the day with a sense of strength and encouragement than worry. I’ve learned to appreciate God’s good gifts rather than judge them. This doesn’t mean I’m not picky or I wouldn’t prefer things a different way. Remember, God gives us a good amount of leeway with free will. However, acknowledging who and what are in front of us helps give us guidance and realize more about who we are and what we’re about.